TRUTH UNCOVERED
Little Miami High School has suffered a multitude of suspicious plumbing related failures in the past months. Although the student body thought nothing of it, even rejoicing when allowed to leave school early in one instance, it has recently come to our attention that these pipe bursts were actually an elaborate cover-up for a massive, district-wide staff pool party in the fabled school basement.
The shocking revelation, relayed back to Tribune staff by a long-tenured investigative reporter, came about when he, innocently trying to use a closed new-wing bathroom, tumbled through a porcelain facade, down a waterslide, and right into a floatie-filled basement bonanza. The raging party continued on with the splash, as unknowing staff yelled “Cannon-ball!” at his entrance. “Look, I really only wanted to use the private bathroom after seventh bell before I had to get to practice,” our reporter said. “But, after falling into the pool, I decided I would just join in on the fun and skip.”
The extravagant and elaborate pool party is confirmed to have had dozens of flashing strobe lights, at least 3 disco balls, balloons and pool floats, waterslides, diving boards, and blasting 70s disco on a supersized JBL speaker surround-sound system. While disoriented in the water, our reporter claims he heard numerous staff mocking students, saying “I can’t believe they haven’t found out about the basement, why else would the new-wing bathrooms be closed for so long?”
At publishing time, it came to our attention that perhaps the recent snow days are only excuses to hold a variety of bingo tournaments in the yet-discovered attic…
